Spikedluv's Scribblin'

~BtVS/Ats: The Seduction of Spike~

Back to Spike/Xander Fanfic

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When Visions Come True
by Spikedluv

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Part Two

Xander wasn’t able to sleep. He’d been physically exhausted after the romp with his right hand, but he just couldn’t shut his mind off. Couldn’t stop thinking about Spike, about the vision. He was aroused and disgusted at the same time. The visions weren’t real. The demon had admitted that. But the seed had been planted.

He was so confused! If one vision the demon had shown him was a lie, then ergo the other had to be a lie, too, right? Even if the second, happy vision had planted a stupid seed in his psyche, there was absolutely no soil for it to take root in. He knew why the vision of his miserable future with Anya had thrown him—there’d already been a niggling doubt about whether he was good husband and father material—but he’d never had any doubts about his sexuality—he was not gay—and even if he was, which he wasn’t, he hated Spike. How could he possibly be indulging in sexual fantasies about the vampire?

When he couldn’t get Spike off his mind, even after having gotten off, Xander began to wonder if the demon hadn’t done something more than show him a phony version of his future. Two faked versions. The demon had to have done something to him, something to make him desire Spike—maybe that stupid light from that even stupider orb had done something to him, because the alternative just didn’t bear thinking about.

Ironic, that, since he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Thinking about Spike. The sexy bastard! Argh! Xander buried his head in his pillow and kicked his feet into the mattress as he let loose a muffled scream of frustration. His mini-tantrum over, he threw himself out of bed and headed for the bathroom. There was no reason to remain in bed when he was only tossing and turning. He wasn’t able to make sense of this on his own, and after last night, he really needed to figure out what was going on.

---

It was relatively easy to make the decision to seek help, not so much to actually go through with it when that meant admitting to the second vision the demon had shown him. He’d showered and dressed, and then stopped for coffee and donuts on his way to the Summers’ house. On the way, he’d parked and watched the sun rise while he sipped coffee and ate one of the donuts. He now sat on their front steps, trying to work up the courage to knock on the door.

Long before he was ready, the door opened behind him. “Xander?” Willow called softly.

“Hey. I brought donuts,” he said, sliding the box across the porch floor with the tips of his fingers without looking back at her.

“Oh, yum.” She padded across the porch, picked up the box, and settled herself beside him. She opened the box and peered in. “How long have you been out here?” she asked, presumably when she saw that four donuts were already missing.

“Couple hours,” he said, reaching in and snagging another.

“Wow. I guess I’m impressed there’re any left, then.” She took one out and bit into it. “How come you’re up so early?” she asked around a mouthful of donut.

“Couldn’t sleep,” he said as he handed her one of the cups of coffee. “I got coffee, too. It’s probably cold now.”

Willow took a sip and grimaced. “No, it’s, um, fine,” she lied.

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” she assured him. “You get extra points for bringing donuts. And not eating them all.”

He gave a little laugh.

“What’s wrong, Xander?” she asked when she’d finished the donut and he still hadn’t spoken.

“I’ve got....” He picked at his pants. “I’ve got a problem. I’ve been trying to work it out myself, but...I’m not having any luck. I need...I think I just need to tell someone, maybe get it off my chest. And maybe, if I need some help researching...?”

Willow tried to look perky, but it was too early in the morning after a night out, and she was probably too worried about him for it to be convincing. “If you need research, I’m your gal!”

He didn’t know where to start, how to say what he needed to tell her. “Do you remember the demon?” he asked. “At the wedding?”

Willow shuddered. “Gray, yellow spikes?” She pointed to her head.

“Yeah, that one. I think...I think he did something to me.”

Willow’s expression became one of worry, and she reached out to grip his arm. “Xander, what...?”

“I’m all right,” he assured her. “Well, I’m physically all right,” he amended. “But you know...the vision?”

“Yeah.” Willow nodded, her fingers squeezing his arm as she tried to remain calm.

“He showed me how miserable our future was going to be. How miserable I was going to make it. And I just...I couldn’t be sure he wasn’t right, even though he admitted that it hadn’t been real.” Xander shook his head. God, just talking about it made him feel queasy.

“Do you...do you think he lied about it being fake?” Willow asked.

“No.” He laughed bitterly. “I believe the vision he showed me was fake, but I...I think it could have still happened that way. I think I could have ruined her life. But that’s.... Oddly enough, that’s not the worst part.”

“Okay,” Willow said, supportive, encouraging him to continue.

“H-he showed me two visions,” Xander spit out quickly.

“He wha—? He showed you two visions?” Willow’s face crinkled up as she tried to figure out what that meant.

“Yes,” Xander said slowly, partly because he really needed her to understand this, and partly because it was difficult for him to say aloud. “He showed me the vision of my future with Anya, the one where I made her....”

“Miserable,” Willow supplied.

Xander tried to smile, but his face felt too tight. “Yeah.”

“A-and another one where...?” Willow prompted.

“Where I was happy. Where we were both so...damned...happy.”

“You and Anya?” Willow asked, confused.

“No, me and...someone else.”

“S-someone else?”

“Yes. It, um, it confused me,” he said. “A lot. And I think I need another donut.” Willow absently opened the box for him and he reached for a chocolate glazed this time.

“Two visions,” she mused. “So, what, um, what was it about the second vision that confused you?” she asked.

“I couldn’t believe that I could be that happy. I don’t know how, but I felt everything while I was in that vision, and I was...I was in love.” Tears welled-up. “The first vision was...wretched, but the second vision was...distressingly happy. I knew! I mean I just knew that it wasn’t true, that it couldn’t possibly be true, but I could still feel it. Here.” He pointed to his heart. “And it really freaked me out.”

“Why?” Willow asked softly. “Why would it freak you out to see yourself happy with someone?”

“Because I hate him! I could never love him!” Xander cried, and then his eyes went wide when he realized what he’d admitted to.

“H-h-him?” Willow stammered.

Xander buried his face in his hands. “Yes.”

“So...you were freaked because it was a guy?” she guessed.

Xander raised his head and looked at her. “Oddly enough, no. I was so freaked about the other, that part didn’t even register on the freak-o-meter.”

“The other being...who it was?” Another tentative guess. Xander nodded. “And you’re not going to tell me who it was, are you?” she asked.

“No! I mean, I just can’t. I can’t even think about it without becoming nauseous. Also, hard, but that’s neither here nor there....” Willow blushed. “Sorry. Too much information?” he asked.

“Maybe just a teensy bit,” she squeaked. And then her eyes widened and she stared at Xander with huge green orbs.

“What?” he asked worriedly.

“Angel?” she gasped.

“What? Oh good god, no! That’s....” He shuddered. It felt as if bugs were crawling all over him. “I can’t believe you said that!” he hissed. “That’s just...too disgusting for words!”

“Sorry.” Willow looked contrite. “It’s just, I don’t know anyone you hate more than Angel, so....” She shrugged apologetically. “What did you want me to do? I mean, if you won’t tell me who it is....”

“I need you to help me find out if the demon could have done something to me. Something to...to make me want things I wouldn’t normally want,” he explained.

Willow’s eyebrows went up. “Want?” she asked.

It was Xander’s turn to blush. “There have been some...incidents,” he admitted, without admitting to anything.

“The hard thing,” she said calmly, as if she was working on one of her psyche test cases.

“Yes. And...other...stuff.”

“So, you....”

“Yes,” he snarled. “I-I-I think about him. I hate him, but I can’t help....”

“Getting...hard?”

He wanted the earth to open up and swallow him. Instead, just to prove he was really in Hell, he was left sitting on the porch with Willow, discussing his attraction to another man. Bad enough he’d given away the male thing, thank god he hadn’t slipped and told her who it was. It was just...unnatural that he’d have these feelings for Spike of all people. Evil undead sexy bastard!

“So, what, um, what do you want me to do, exactly?”

“Research the demon, see if he had any other powers, see if the orb had any other powers. Do you know what happened to the orb? Was it on him when I...when...?”

“When you clobbered him with the pedestal?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t remember seeing it. I could ask Buffy....”

“No! I-I mean, I don’t think it’s a good idea to let too many people know about this. I could barely tell you, I couldn’t bear to tell anyone else.”

“I guess that means I can’t just ask Anya what kind of demon she turned him into, then, can I?”

Xander’s eyes widened in horror. “No!”

---

Willow and Xander researched during every spare moment, which wasn’t a lot after taking into account work, school, normal research, and patrol. Xander found he didn’t like it any better when he was doing it for himself than he did when they were researching the demon of the week. On day five, Willow finally found a reference to the demon that not only included a detailed description of its appearance along with a pencil drawing and its name, but also a list of its abilities. Under magical it said ‘none.’

Xander was disappointed, but refused to believe the demon had done nothing but show him a phony vision until they found the orb and discovered its properties, which he was certain would include making the person who saw the vision believe that it was true. Then a little disbelieving spell and, viola!, no more sexual fantasies about sexy, er, stupid vampires.

On day eight Xander found the orb mentioned in a book he’d been given to research the newest resident of the Hellmouth so Buffy could dispatch it. He nearly vibrated out of his skin when he recognized it, and must have made a sound, because everyone looked up at him.

“Did you find something, Xander?” Giles asked.

He knew he must have looked like he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “Um, no?” he squeaked. “Nothing about the demon,” he added, glancing over at Willow. Her eyes widened, and he nodded.

“All right!” Anya slammed the book she was reading closed. She’d been helping them research ‘because I have to live here, too,’ but made it clear she wasn’t happy to be in the same room with Xander. Now she glared daggers at him, pain and anger shooting from her eyes. “Are you two seeing each other?” she demanded, pointing between him and Willow.

“What?” he yelped.

“What?” Willow squeaked.

“Her?”

“Hey!” Willow socked him.

“Ow!” He rubbed his arm. “I just meant....” He waved his hands in the space between them. “Friends. No getting together.” He turned to Anya. “No! Why would you...?”

“I’ve seen you,” Anya replied. “Always together. Exchanging meaningful looks.”

“No! Nothing meaningful here!”

Willow socked him again. “We’re best friends, just as we’ve always been. Nothing more,” she told Anya.

“Ow,” he muttered, rubbing the spot she’d hit twice.

“Then why...?”

“It’s just that we’ve got more time for each other now that...we, um...we’re both...you know....”

“Single?” Anya grated out.

“Um, yeah, that,” Willow said, looking at Xander and gesturing for him to say something.

“And whose fault is that?” Anya yelled as she pushed herself to her feet.

Xander should have seen that coming, but he’d been sidetracked, and things had gotten out of control so quickly. With other things on his mind, he’d forgotten that Anya had never actually had the opportunity to vent her spleen about being left at the altar. He silently berated himself. He should have realized that things had been going too smoothly. Before he could respond, Spike spoke up and fanned the flames.

“Funny thing, fault,” he drawled. “Might lay at the feet of the one who did the walkin’...” He glanced at Xander and Anya made a sound of agreement. “...or it might lay with the one who set it all in motion in the first place.” His eyes moved to Anya.

Xander blanched. He could see that it took a moment for Anya to realize what Spike was implying, but when she did, her face turned red.

“No!” She slapped her palms down onto the table. “No! It was not my fault!” She spun away from the table, her hands covering her face, shoulders shaking.

“Damn it, Spike!” At times like these he knew without a doubt that the demon had done something to him to make him desire the despicable creature.

“Shut up, Spike!” Buffy and Willow both hissed.

Xander stood and went to Anya, slapping the back of Spike’s head as he passed the vampire.

“Hey!” he groused. “The thanks I get for sticking up for you,” he threw at Xander. “Oh, don’t tell me you all weren’t thinkin’ it,” he told the others.

“Anya,” Xander said softly, gently placing his hands on her shoulders, almost afraid she’d knock them off, or turn around and punch him. Instead he felt her shoulders shudder as she sobbed.

She turned to him and lowered her hands so they were just covering her trembling lips. Tears coursed down her face. “It was my fault, wasn’t it?” she asked pitifully.

“No!” Xander said, pulling her into his arms and cursing Spike beneath his breath. “All my fault. None of it was your fault. You were the best girlfriend a guy could have.” He rubbed her back.

“I was, wasn’t I?” she sniffled.

“You were.” So much for having this out when his friends weren’t around to witness it. “I never meant to hurt you. You didn’t deserve that. And I’m so sorry I did.” He wasn’t above groveling, even in front of Spike.

“You hurt me.” Anya sniffled again, and relaxed in his arms.

“I know.”

“You’re a big jerk.”

“I am,” he agreed. “The biggest. Please don’t blame yourself for my insecurities,” he whispered.

“It’s so hard. Getting used to being alone again.”

“I know. The apartment feels awfully empty now. I wish.... I know right now you’d probably rather never see me again, but I hope we can be friends one day.”

“That would be nice,” she said wistfully. “I don’t have many friends. But I don’t think I’m there yet.”

Xander nodded his understanding. How could he not? He rubbed her arms and stepped back.

“Xander.” She looked up at him. “Do you ever...miss me?”

He nodded. “Yes.”

Despite the tears filling her eyes, she attempted a tremulous smile.

---

On day twelve Xander had to admit that the orb the demon had used held no magical properties that would make the viewer believe the vision. He and Willow were sitting on the couch in the training room when he closed the book he’d been reading in disgust.

Everything they’d found so far indicated that the Orb of Seeing, as it was so aptly named, merely had the ability to show the viewer a vision of their future based solely on what they were thinking about at that moment. Thinking about work, love, fame? The orb would show you what your future held. Also, it was supposedly difficult to tamper with the orb, and there was no record of anyone ever successfully removing the true vision and replacing it with a false one.

Xander and Willow had discussed the fact that, that might explain why Xander had seen two visions—if the demon had found someone powerful enough to add a false vision to the orb rather than attempting to remove the true vision and replace it with another. It was possible that he’d seen the second vision because the demon hadn’t pulled the orb away from him in time, and after seeing the first vision, he’d certainly been thinking about whether he’d make a good husband and father, so the orb had shown him his future. His true future.

How he wished that the second vision was the false one. He already feared he’d turn out like his father, and it would be so easy to believe that one. Much simpler, and much less traumatic, than trying to wrap his mind around a happy future with Spike.

“Nothing,” he growled. “You?” he asked, knowing it was useless.

“No, Xander. I’m sorry. All I got is Orb of Seeing, blah, blah, difficult to tamper with, blah, blah. If there was a spell put on it to add the, um, other vision, well, we can’t even determine that without the orb itself. And even if we did have the orb,” she mused, “it’s possible there might not be any magical...remnants...left, if all traces of the spell vanished once it was utilized. Although.... I wonder if we could find another orb and you could look....” At the expression on Xander’s face she broke off. “Never mind.”

He wanted to cry. He’d laid all his hopes on finding out that either the demon or the orb was more than they seemed at first glance. Without that, he had to consider the fact that the second vision was real, and that there was some reason other than magic for his unnatural attraction to Spike. That maybe there was a reason the seeds the demon planted had taken root. And seemed to be growing like the proverbial weed.

He jerked back to attention when he heard Willow say, “There might be another way.”

“There might?” he yelped excitedly. “Why didn’t you say so before?”

Willow was fidgeting nervously, and she looked paler than normal.

“Will?”

She glanced at him, and then looked down at the hands clenched in her lap. “You know how Giles stuck around after the...after?”

“Yea-ah,” Xander said.

“Well, he stayed for a couple reasons. He was worried about you, and Anya, of course....”

“Of course.”

“And Buffy.”

“Uh huh.” Xander wondered why he had the feeling something bad was going to happen.

“And me.”

“You? You....”

“I told him a-about the magic, a-and how I lost control and hurt Dawn.”

Willow fidgeted nervously, but Xander didn’t know what to say. It had been several months since Willow’s misuse of magic had forced her friends to intervene, but it was still a sore subject. “That must have been hard,” he finally said.

She bit her lip before replying. “It was. I was pretty...rude to him after we brought Buffy back. He told me then that I was...arrogant. I won’t repeat what I said to him.” Her eyes filled. “I knew he was gonna be so disappointed in me.” She sniffled.

“What, um, what did he say?” Xander asked, curious.

Willow glanced up at him. “Actually...” She gave a nervous little laugh. “...he told me that magic was a part of me, and that I couldn’t just...turn it off. He said it would always be there, and if I didn’t learn how to control it, one day I might, you know, get really angry or upset, and the magic would just...explode!”

Xander’s eyes went big and his jaw dropped. Willow hurried on. “He’s been in contact with a coven in England, and he’s teaching me about natural magics, and how everything is connected, and how to control the magic instead of letting it control me. And, of course, how to control myself so I don’t misuse this gift.”

She glanced at Xander to see how he was taking it, and then quickly continued. “I really wanted to tell you, but Giles thought your, um, possible...disapproval...might affect my ability to concentrate....”

Xander opened his mouth to speak, which only made Willow babble faster. “Anyway, I was thinking we could do a revealing spell to determine whether there’s a spell on you. It doesn’t have to be me,” she assured him. “If you don’t trust me, Giles can do it.”

She finally wound down to a halt and stared at Xander expectantly, anxiously nibbling on her bottom lip while she waited for him to respond. He didn’t know what to think, much less say. His thoughts were a jumbled mess. Willow was doing magic. Giles was training her, and had instructed her not to tell her friends. Had they been wrong in forcing her to quit magic cold turkey? There was a spell that would reveal whether he was under a spell, which meant he could have gotten out of all this research.

He finally choked out, “You’ve been training with Giles in magic?”

Before Willow could respond, a sharp gasp drew both their attention to the doorway. “You’re doing what?” Buffy nearly snarled. Without waiting for a reply, she turned on her heels and stormed back into the shop.

“Uh oh.”

Willow jumped up and ran after Buffy, and Xander followed her. They arrived in time to hear Buffy demand of Giles, “What do you think you’re doing, allowing Willow to perform magic?”

He and Willow skidded to a halt, and Giles looked over the rim of his glasses at the redhead. “I was telling Xander,” she admitted softly.

He gave a slight nod of acknowledgment, and turned to Buffy. “I am training Willow in magic because she needs to learn how to control it....”

“She needs to stop using it!” Buffy angrily exclaimed.

Giles whipped his glasses off and brandished them like a weapon. “No, Buffy, she doesn’t. She can’t, in point of fact. The magic is a part of her. Bottling it up could have catastrophic effects.”

“She hurt Dawn!”

“I know she did, and I regret that more than you can know.” He rubbed his eyes. “I should have been here. I should have made sure Willow had more training.” He glanced their way. “But she’s getting it now.”

“If it’s no big deal, then why didn’t you tell us?” Buffy asked.

Giles raised an eyebrow. “After your outburst here, you really need to ask me that? The reason is that I didn’t want your, or Xander’s, or Dawn’s, disapproval to affect Willow’s concentration or control.”

Xander could tell that Buffy was still steamed. Willow was vibrating with nerves, and he placed a supportive hand on her shoulder. She shot him a grateful look as she relaxed against him. Xander wasn’t sure he didn’t agree with Buffy, at least a little bit, but Willow was his friend, too, and if Giles said it was okay, even necessary for her to train in the use of magic, then Xander was inclined to believe it was true, no matter that her abuse of magic had hurt them all in the past.

“I don’t want her using magic around me or Dawn.”

“Willow’s training is conducted privately, but there will most certainly come a day when her assistance may be required to....”

“No!” Buffy denied.

Giles held up a finger to keep her from saying anything further. “Don’t dismiss what could be a very powerful weapon in your arsenal without giving it further thought, Buffy.”

The bell jingled when Spike pushed the door open and practically exploded into the shop.

“And I believe this makes my point for me,” Giles muttered.

Spike took a couple steps, and then froze. “What’s up?” he asked, obviously sensing the dissension in the room.
“Nothing...,” Giles began.

“That’s not true,” Xander said, surprising no one more than himself. “We know...” He indicated those in the shop. “...and I don’t know if Buffy intends to tell Dawn, but Spike will need to be told. He might as well find out now, and get the whole story.”

Giles sighed. “Yes, of course, you’re right.”

Xander tried not to look surprised. He hoped he’d said what he had because it was the right thing to do, and not because of the stupid vision.

“Now that the cat’s out of the bag, there’s no reason to keep anyone in the dark.” He glanced at Buffy. “Unless you determine it would be best not to tell Dawn,” he said deferentially. Decision made, Giles told Spike what he’d just told the rest of them.

The vampire didn’t look happy—Xander knew he cared a great deal for Dawn, as much as he never wanted to accept his ability to care for anyone—but Spike did seem to accept Giles’ contention that not using the magic would most likely cause worse problems than learning how to use it properly. Buffy still wasn’t convinced, and she left for patrol with an expression of displeasure marring her face, shoulders held stiff.

Anya, who had surprisingly remained silent during the entire heated exchange, only waited until the door had shut behind Buffy and Spike before reminding Giles that she had to leave. With a look at Xander that fell somewhere between shy, embarrassed, and defiant, Anya grabbed her purse and left. He turned a questioning expression on Giles.

The older man, who’d just put his glasses on, pulled them back off. “I, um, believe she has a, ah, date this evening.”

“Oh,” Xander said. Anya had a date. That was good, right? If she was dating there was less of a chance that she’d remain angry enough to curse him.

“So,” Giles went on, “you told Xander about your training?”

“Yes,” Willow said. “I know you thought I shouldn’t, because it would affect my concentration, but Xander and I have been doing some, uh, extracurricular research, and we haven’t been able to find anything conclusive, or at all, and I couldn’t just quit when there was still something I could do, maybe, so I told him....”

Giles blinked owlishly at her. “I’m sorry, what was that?”

“Xander has reason to believe he’s under a spell, and I thought we could do a revealing spell,” Willow explained more succinctly.

Giles immediately turned his attention to Xander. “You think you’ve been spelled?” he asked worriedly. “When, what...?”

Between the two of them, they finally managed to explain that Xander thought the demon who’d disrupted his wedding had somehow put a spell on him, without giving away the real reason he thought so, and further explained the extent and results of their research into the demon and the orb.

Giles stared at him, and it made Xander squirm. “And you can’t tell me the content of the second vision the demon showed you?”

Xander blushed. “I’d rather not,” he squeaked.

Giles studied them both. “Very well,” he finally said. “Did you have a specific spell in mind?”

The next hour was a blur. Willow found the spell, and she and Giles gathered the ingredients while Xander sweated nervously in anticipation. With Willow’s assistance, Giles performed the spell. At the end, he tossed a handful of pink sand over Xander’s head. A satisfied expression crossed his face.

“Well, I’m pleased to tell you that you are spell-free, Xander,” Giles said happily.

Xander’s heart sank.

Continued in Part Three

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