Spikedluv's Scribblin'
~BtVS/Ats~
Back to Spike/Xander Fanfic
The ABC's of Lube
by Spikedluv
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Rating: NC17/Slash
Spoilers: None.
Summary: Spike, Xander, and the search for the perfect lube. *g* Not really. They're just two horny guys who'll use anything at hand.
Notes: 26 100-word drabbles. The boys misuse many products, including food. Written for Summer of Spike.
Feedback: It’s ALL about the feedback (and naked Spike)! Don’t make me beg, it’s not pretty.
Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters, just borrowing them for awhile. Everything belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Kuzui Enterprises, Grr Argh, the WB, UPN and whomever else they really belong to, although I wouldn’t mind having a Spike of my own. Who would? The story is mine, though.
Thanks: To Tammy and Amanda, for the most excellent beta! You’re both gems among—uh—other shiny stuff.
Dedication: To my roomies from MR2004 who helped me come up with this list: Amanda, Margie, Shanna, Willa, and Eric.
Written: July 6, 2004
****************
A
Spike was bent over the kitchen table amidst dirty dishes, a white-knuckled grip on the edge as he looked over his shoulder. His t-shirt was pushed up to his armpits, jeans shoved down to his ankles. Xander knelt behind him, fingers spreading pale cheeks to expose the tight puckered opening to his avid gaze.
Xander tipped the jar and dribbled applesauce into Spike’s crack. Two fingers worked the applesauce into his hole. Spike writhed beneath him when Xander leaned forward and dragged the flat of his tongue over the entrance to his lover’s body, then proceeded to lick him clean.
B
A growling stomach had caused Xander to leave Spike alone in their bed and scurry to the kitchen for a midnight snack. Just as the toaster popped up, his impatient lover pressed his body against Xander’s back, his already hard dick teasing Xander’s ass. He groaned as his fingers fumbled with the butter knife, watched in fascination while Spike scooped butter from the crock, and eagerly spread his legs when the vampire’s fingers pressed between his cheeks.
“Still hungry, luv?” Spike purred as he pushed two digits into Xander, closing blunt teeth onto Xander’s shoulder as he roughly finger-fucked him.
C
They sat on the sofa, Xander between Spike’s legs, leaning back against his chest as they watched the movie, snacks spread across the coffee table in front of them. Despite the action on the screen, Xander was far more interested in the action that was happening against his butt. He shifted on the couch, smiled at the low moan as Spike’s erection dug into his ass.
“Something wrong?” he asked with faked concern as he twisted around in Spike’s arms, managed to lose his sweats, and straddled Spike’s legs.
“Nothin’ you can’t fix,” Spike groaned, reaching for the caramel dip.
D
Xander got home late and had just enough time for supper and a quick shower before patrol, leaving Spike with the clean up. Xander paused on his way to the bathroom, noted Spike’s slumped shoulders, muttered curses. He couldn’t restrain the smile as his lover rinsed off a soapy dish and slammed it into the drainer, and decided patrol could wait a little longer. He snuck across the kitchen, wrapped his arms around Spike, and kissed his neck.
“Thought you had to shower. Alone.” Spike pouted, tilted his head back. Xander drizzled a drop of dishwashing liquid onto his fingers.
E
Spike was in the process of making a birthday cake for Dawn when Xander came in and sent the bowl of flour flying, covering Spike with the white powder.
“You big oaf!” he snarled.
“Sorry,” Xander said, then snickered.
Spike’s eyes narrowed. He caught Xander before he could make it out of the kitchen. The boy struggled, but not too much, and soon he was on his knees, jeans pulled down to bare his lovely ass. Spike reached into the bowl and scooped out a handful of beaten egg.
Xander squealed as the cool goop was slathered over his hole.
F
The water pipes at his apartment had broken, so Xander was using Buffy’s shower. He was blindly rinsing shampoo out of his hair when he felt cool air and cooler hands brush his body. His heart jumped and he just managed not to scream. Without giving him a chance to say anything, Spike turned him to the wall and spread his legs, one finger ghosting over his twitching hole.
“Wh-what are you...?”
“Foaming facial cleanser,” Spike mused. “Says it’s gentle.” He squeezed it into his hand and slathered it over Xander’s entrance, then pushed two fingers inside and wiggled them.
G
They were drinking beer and eating nachos at The Bronze. Xander grabbed a chip drenched in the mixture of beef, beans, cheese, sour cream, and guacamole, popped it into his mouth and chewed, then licked his fingers off. He caught Spike staring at his mouth and made a big production of licking one finger clean, then stuck it in his mouth and sucked. Spike groaned. Xander dipped his finger into the guacamole. Spike stared at him wide-eyed, slack-jawed, and possibly whimpered.
“Home?”
Spike nodded sharply and stood.
“Can we get a side of guacamole to go?” Xander asked a passing waitress.
H
Xander’d worked late. He was hot, sweaty, and tired, and just wanted a shower and bed. The last thing he expected to see when he walked through the door was Spike lying on the floor. Naked. Covered with...Hershey’s chocolate syrup. The vampire was pulling and pinching chocolate-covered nipples while he stroked a chocolate-covered cock.
“Hey, Xan,” he purred. “Got your favorite.”
Xander dropped his lunch box when chocolate-covered fingers slid into an already-stretched hole. Trembling, Xander crossed to Spike, dropped to his knees between the vampire’s spread thighs, and reached for his fly. Suckling Spike’s fingers, he slid home.
I
Laughing, they clashed spoons over the bucket of ice cream they were sharing. A savage swipe sent ice cream splattering onto Xander’s chest. Spike stared at the melting ice cream as it ran down Xander’s torso, then dove for the chocolate trail. He licked a path up Xander’s body and closed his chilled mouth over a nipple. Xander groaned when another dollop of ice cream landed on his chest.
Jeans off, legs spread and pulled back, Xander watched eagerly as Spike took a mouthful of ice cream and then went down on him while clever fingers slicked and stretched him.
J
Xander was starving, and they were out of snacks. He pulled a box of crackers out of the cupboard and spread grape jelly on them. Spike sauntered into the kitchen, reached around Xander, and stole one. Xander slapped his hand. Spike smirked and stole another.
Xander chased Spike around the apartment until the horny vampire let Xander catch him, putting up a token protest when Xander tore his jeans down and bent him over the back of the couch. A sharp slap was quickly followed by a wet tongue cooling the burn, then fingers covered in jelly pushed into him.
K
“What’s that?”
“Kiwi.” Xander swiped the fruit across Spike’s lips and licked the juice off. “Mmm, tastes better that way.” Once more, and Spike growled warningly.
Xander reached out again. Spike grabbed his wrist, wrested the fruit from him. He saw the retaliatory gleam in Spike’s eyes and tried to pull away. Spike threw him down over the table. An elbow in his back kept him in place while the vampire pulled his pants down.
Spike crushed the fruit until juice ran through his fingers, and pressed the pulp into him. Jeans open, cock slicked with juice, he pushed in.
L
Figuring no one would miss them, or miss their arguing, rather - aka, their version of foreplay - they’d snuck into the upstairs bathroom at Buffy’s house. Spike had Xander’s pants undone and down around his ankles while Xander searched the medicine cabinet. Xander shivered when he heard Spike unbuckle his belt.
“Find anythin’ yet?”
“No.”
“Hurry up, pet.” Cool fingers cupped his cheeks, slipped between them. “So hard for you. Wanna be inside you.”
Xander gulped. Bottles fell with a clatter into the sink when Spike pressed a digit against him.
“Here!” he choked out, passed back a bottle of lotion.
M
Xander couldn’t believe he was making this, but it was what Willow had asked him to bring. A fruit dip! he scoffed. Also, it sounded disgusting, looked gross, and was difficult to mix. Spike leaned against the counter, smirking.
“Call me a fruit one more time...,” he threatened.
“What’re you gonna do?” Spike challenged.
Xander dropped the bowl and dove for Spike. The vampire caught him, but Xander’s momentum took them to the floor where they wrestled. Irritation and frustration soon turned to desire as they ground against one another. Xander knocked the nearly empty marshmallow fluff container off the table.
N
Xander stole Spike’s Nutella. While the vampire was searching the cupboards for the missing spread, Xander was scooping it out and using it to lubricate his entrance, pushing in one, then two fingers to stretch himself. The irate vampire finally smelled Xander’s arousal - or the Nutella - and appeared in the doorway. His nostrils flared as he approached the bed, eyes locked on Xander’s hand.
Spike pulled the hand away from Xander and licked his fingers clean, then rolled his lover to his knees and licked the Nutella from around his twitching hole. Xander whimpered when Spike’s tongue jabbed into him.
O
It was Xander’s turn to host the gang’s monthly potluck dinner. He was tossing the salad when Spike sauntered into the kitchen and picked up the bottle of olive oil. Before he realized the vampire’s intentions, his pants were down and Spike was slicking him with the oil, stretching him. The doorbell rang and Spike quickly inserted a butt plug.
Xander was hard and aching through the entire dinner. As soon as the last guest was out the door, he dropped trou. Spike pushed him up against the door, removed the plug, and replaced it with Xander’s favorite thing ever.
P
Xander was making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch when Spike wandered naked into the kitchen for a final snuggle before Xander headed to work. He slid onto the table and watched.
“Had breakfast yet, pet?” he teased, running a finger over his cock.
Xander gazed into sleepy eyes and swiped a glob of peanut butter onto Spike’s prick. Spike stared back at him in surprise, then groaned when Xander lowered his head and licked.
Spike, trembling with desire, laid back and spread himself open. Another dollop of peanut butter for slick, then Xander lined up and pressed inside.
Q
“What’re you doin’?”
“Making hot chocolate.”
“Why?”
“Cold.”
“I could warm you up.”
“You don’t have body heat.”
“Don’t need body heat, just need...friction.”
“No time, we have to patrol.”
“If you’d stop doin’ *that* I’d have plenty of time to do you.”
“Do me?”
“Do you right and proper.”
“...”
“What’s this?”
“You know what it is, now stop... All right! It’s the Quik syrup I’m using to make my hot chocolate, now...”
“Ooops, I spilled it.”
“So lick it off.”
“Okay!”
“Spike! What are you doing?”
“You said I could lick it off.”
“Off your...oh, god...fingers!”
R
Xander was watching cartoons when Spike shuffled out of the bedroom and plopped down on the couch beside him. He stared at Xander while he lifted the spoon to his mouth.
“Want some.”
“Get your own.”
“Want some o’ yours.”
“No...”
Xander suddenly had a lapful of vampire as Spike covered him and held his head still so he could kiss him, taking the rice pudding from his mouth. Before he realized what had happened, he was naked and covered in sticky residue as Spike used the remaining pudding to open him up, drive him crazy, and slide into him.
S
Xander finished his waffles and moaned as he licked gooey fingers clean. He glanced thoughtfully at his sleepy lover. Spike’s eyes narrowed suspiciously.
Xander purposefully stood and stalked his prey. Spike got to his feet and tried to run. Xander grabbed the waistband of Spike’s loose sweat pants and dragged him back, then shoved them down. A few hard pumps on his cock had Spike compliant and spread out on the table.
Syrup drenched Spike’s cock and ran down behind his balls. Xander eagerly lapped at the sticky sweet, then took Spike into his mouth while his finger pressed inside.
T
Xander had been watching Spike all evening while the vampire lovingly washed his bike, wiped the leather seats down, and then waxed it, cooing to it as he rubbed it to a shine. Xander refused to admit to feeling of jealousy when he pulled Spike into a hungry kiss mid-rub, and ground their groins together.
Listening to Spike’s words of love, even though they’d been directed to his rival for Spike’s affections, and imagining those hands on him had made Xander hard. Desperate fingers opened Spike’s jeans and bent the vampire over the bike, then dipped into the Turtle Wax.
U
Spike and Xander were in the back room of the Magic Box late one night, ostensibly for Spike to train Xander in hand-to-hand combat. Spike had other ideas. His lover was currently bent naked over the horse, legs spread and ankles cuffed, tongue snaking out to lick up the come that had dribbled from his pretty mouth.
He found a container of Udder Cream and used it to prepare Xander - slicking his passage, stretching him with one, then two fingers, and stimulating his prostate until his lover was begging Spike to fuck him. Spike coated his cock and drove home.
V
“It’s a classic.”
“A what?”
“A classic.”
“It’s lip balm.”
“Vaseline, pet.”
“Lip balm.”
“Oh, for...! Xander, turn around and spread ‘em!”
“Well, that was romantic.”
“Started out romantic! Bought you chocolate.”
“Which you ate.”
“Brought flowers.”
“You told me you stole them.”
“It’s the thought that counts. We have candles; that’s romantic!”
“...”
“Xander, please!”
“Please what?”
“Please let me fu—, bugg—, make love to...with you.”
“Okay, but do we really have to use lip balm?”
“It’s...”
“Vaseline, yeah, I know.”
“...a...”
“Classic, yeah, you said.”
“Xander, luv, look at it this way, it’ll keep your ass from gettin’ chapped.”
W
“What’s that?”
“Nothing,” Xander lied as he shook the can of whipped cream while luxuriating in the sight of his lover bent over the kitchen table, legs spread wide, his wrists and ankles secured so he wouldn’t move.
“I heard you open the refrigerator, pet, and I can hear you...” Spike glared at his lover over his shoulder as he struggled to see what Xander was holding.
Xander grinned and held the can up. Spike paled.
“You wouldn’t!”
“I would.” Xander spread the vampire’s cheeks and lubricated his hole, then the nozzle. He inserted the nozzle into Spike, and sprayed.
X
Xander had wanted something special for their anniversary so he picked up a bottle of Xanadu wine. Unused to drinking wine, he hadn’t realized how quickly the wine would go to his head...either head. He gazed down at Spike’s blond hair as the vampire slurped the wine off his belly, dipping his tongue into Xander’s belly button.
Another tip of the bottle had chilled wine running down his cock and between his legs, tickling as it dribbled over his balls and between his cheeks. He dug his fingers into Spike’s hair as the vampire licked him clean once more.
Y
Spike dragged an unresisting Xander into the dark alley behind the Magic Box.
“Spike, wha—?”
“Need you, pet.” Spike kissed Xander hungrily, reached between them to stroke his denim-covered cock to hardness.
“Oh, Spike, yeah... No, wait! We don’t have lube.”
“Took care of it,” Spike assured him.
Spike turned him around and they both struggled to get their jeans out of the way. When Xander’s ass was bared, Spike immediately opened the container and set to slicking and stretching him. Xander yelped at the cold sensation.
“Spike! What’s...?”
Willow’s voice drifted out to them. “Who stole my yogurt?”
“Spike?!”
Z
The gang was having a late-night beach party. Spike, aroused after two hours of looking and not touching, grabbed his lover and dragged him away for a shag. They found a lifeguard hut that was locked, but Spike took care of that. He dropped a blanket onto the floor and quickly stripped, then divested Xander of his trunks.
Spike pulled Xander to the blanket and kissed him, both hands exploring the body he knew so well. He reached for the lube, hand searching blindly, and came up with a tube that said ‘zinc oxide’. He shrugged and flipped the cap.
The End
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